Now, let me preface this post by the fact that I love where I work. Normally, I can tolerate being paid minimum wage because I am surrounded by friends and generally awesome people that work alongside me. It's not fun in the work sense, but it's something to do in-between failing to get simple applications done to move on with my education. The things that I have heard of and have experienced as a seasonal government worker and a retail sales associate are surreal. If I kept a journal, the almost crazed reaction to any slight perceived by the customer in my current position would make people laugh awkwardly and question its integrity. Those doubts would be one hundred percent dissipated if someone decided to shadow me for a day and hear some of the stupid shit that comes out of people's mouths.
I did have another job before this current one. It's where I dealt with street signs. The amazing stories I can tell from this line of work are just as uncanny as some of the tales I can recount about my current employment. These disparate ideas could make a book/play/sitcom series with how dysfunctional things get when dealing with people that require the services and goods I helped provide them. Speaking of which, let me open up a vignette into the macabre world of this live social experiment. Names and dates may have been changed to protect the innocent:
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September 24th, 2010
To whatever foul creature from the depths of Lovecraft's mind spawned the current students at Mercy Lane University: I wish to call the aberration forth and punish it a most fitting way. Even their Creator should have to experience the concentration of stupidity that forms like a haze around these girls. "That's what I've been doing to people?" might be one of the non-Euclidean thoughts that form from that interaction. We may even have a cry and hug before I have to tolerate more of the Creator's spawned existences and the Creator goes to procreate more in what would amount to a Nightmare creature one-night stand.
I know I'm still reeling from the encounters I have under my belt. I'm still trying to cope, albeit not as well as I probably should be at this point. Although it brings comfort to think that these monstrosities of flesh and air that speak at me in what amounts to nonsensical blather are actual atrocities visited upon the world by an unjust and unfair omnipotence that laughs at every misfortune to befall the human race. It may be possible that they are remnants of Cain's offspring, but that's just too biblical for my tastes. From the hilarity of having to answer questions like, "Is this the bookstore?" (while the customer is standing in said bookstore), to having to inform people that the store hours are listed on the recorded menu that precedes the option to talk to a sales associate, I'm just on a mountain of fun overlooking a vista of good times and broken dreams.
They refuse to relent as they pose inane questions with no merit while arguing with me about prices I cannot control. If truly there were an afterlife of never-ending torment, it would include a stint in a position like this. And some of these girls are going for their masters in education or attempting to become nurses. Someone, anyone save us all from the day they are allowed to function in society.
If these were isolated incidences of crazy, I wouldn't be so concerned. Half of the customers I have met are at least a shade stupid enough to fit the bill of what was explained. If anyone is reading this, I must tell you that there are horrors beyond description in dealing at the retail level of any store. Insanity reigns here; it is the unwritten rule of anarchy amongst these ravenous fiends that pose as "customers". Natural selection should have taken them a while back, but by some miracle these dregs still exist and haunt my dream(nightmare)scape at night. It's undeniable proof that science has not gone far enough to explain this phenomenon of these girls' continued living. According to Darwin's theories, their flawed genetic mutations should have died out. Yet they persist. The environment must have a role in keeping them alive. Now to find out why these creatures thrive here. There should be a Nobel prize in my future for this, but I can only see the maw of madness ahead of me.
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And there we go. A normal, everyday retelling of a day in the life. Enjoy.
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